After reading the latest news from the GLBT universe, one can’t help but to notice that there is this huge black cloud over gay activism after the news from Washington State—that state’s Supreme Court has ruled against gay marriage.
So yes, it’s been a great day. Why on earth would I say such a thing? The Supreme Court in a largely liberal state has ruled against gay marriage. That’s supposed to be a bad thing. Isn’t it? Compound that with recent big losses in New York and right here in Tennessee and you have a huge blow to gay activism everywhere.
Well, maybe not. Consider this: with every loss to a state’s Supreme Court, the Reich-wing has one of their toys snatched away. As it turns out, those “activist judges” aren’t such activists after all. Now, as much as some of us would like to disagree with them, we can’t ignore the reality that the great “activist judge” mantra is backfiring in a big way.
I see this as a huge opportunity for all of us in the GLBT community to continue to work toward equality one person at a time. The more we come out to our friends, families, and co-workers, the more people realize that we are just people who love a little differently.
But that’s the catch, my friends. We HAVE to speak up. There are far too many people around us who are “okay with homosexuals as long as they keep to themselves.” In other words, they’re happy if they don’t have to deal with their bigotry. That’s just not good enough. We simply can’t let legal setbacks and quiet bigotry quench the flames of equality. Far too many people have been belittled, kicked out of their homes, fired, beaten, or murdered for us to remain quiet.
Fortunately, one man has decided to speak out. On the same day that Washington State’s Supreme Court handed down their ruling, there was a bright point of really good news. One of the worst-kept secrets in West Hollywood was finally made public in an exclusive interview with People magazine: Lance Bass is gay. Okay, maybe that’s not big news, but any time a popular celebrity comes out as gay before they hit the big three-oh, that’s huge. Even more important is the fact that Bass’ announcement is less than four years after his boyband group split.
Compare that to fellow closet-buster Star Trek’s George Takei. He dropped his bombshell onto the treknoverse, it was nearly a decade since his last on-screen appearance as Hikaru Sulu in the Star Trek: Voyager episode, “Flashback.”
As I said, this was a pretty poorly-kept secret since he has been seen with his current boyfriend, Reichen Lemkuhl. Apparently, Bass was also seen in West Hollywood, which is the gay Mecca of Southern California. Even despite his numerous sightings in gay bars, clubs, and neighborhoods, he’s been pretty quiet about his sexuality. But instead of denying it and attempting to play “straight” by dating girls, he chose to come out. Bravo.
Bass has also said he’s producing a TV pilot of an odd-couple type show that features a gay character. Back in 2000, he made headlines by attempting to hitch a ride into orbit courtesy of the Russians. Alas, Russia backed off from the deal.
So let’s not let this bit of news from Washington state get us down. Things really aren’t as dim as we might think… but we do have to be willing to follow the example of people like Lance Bass. Okay, maybe not the trip to space. Yikes.
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Fifteen years ago, a dear friend from high school – a girl whom I had grown up with and who attended church with me – came out to me.
While I had always suspected she “didn’t like boys”, it never occured to me that she was 100 percent gay.
But when this friend, Teresa – who lived in another city nearby – called and asked to meet for coffee out of the blue, I knew something was up. She had “someone special” she wanted me to meet.
When I stepped into the coffeehouse near the University of Wisconsin campus, I knew immediately.
Teresa was sitting next to another woman… and for the first time in the 10 years I’d known her… she looked truly and completely happy. And in love.
As we three girls sat and talked, and laughed, I noticed that Teresa had “the look” that we all get when we know we’ve met “the one”.
Of all her friends from her youth, I was the only one who embraced this new happiness for my dear friend. It saddened her.
Would I sing at her wedding, she asked. Then she got a sad smile and looked at her friend.
“Well, my committment ceremony,” she said. She had sung at my own wedding, only five years before. Of course I would sing for my dear friend’s… well, ceremony.
As they talked of the wedding… er, ceremony… plans, I felt such sadness for them. I recalled my own marriage. How excited everyone had been when my husband and I announced we were engaged. The parties, the newspaper announcements, the calls, the invitations, the presents, the excitement. What ever bride wants… and deserves.
Was there going to be a bridal shower? any party? what was the plan, I asked.
They got quiet. Just a small ceremony in the back yard of a friend’s lake-side house.
“Nothing big, ya know.”
And it just didn’t seem fair.
Oh sure, I insisted on giving them a bridal shower. And I insisted on being allowed to bake the cake. Back then, you could’t find same-sex cake toppers, so I bought to and cut out the men and superglued the brides together.
Now, you can buy any combinatin of same-sex cake toppers. And I think it’s great.
But the reality is, that after 15 years, my friends still do not enjoy the same rights that I do. When Teresa got in a car accident four years ago, Wendy was unable to act on her behalf in any capacity. In fact, when Teresa came from surgery and was in the Recovery Room, Wendy was asked to leave because she “wasn’t family”. As we stood in the hall outside the room, I held her as she cried. Cried from frustration, fear, love and every other emotion any spouse would feel in such a situation.
In the years since that day I stood beside these two beautiful women and sang “their” song at their… well, their wedding… I’ve seen no less than 12 other friends’ heterosexual marriages fail.
But Teresa and Wendy? To this day, they have that same stupid goofy love look they had that day I met them in the coffeehouse… when Teresa said, “I want you to meet the woman I want to spend the rest of my life loving.”
Sally, thank you so much for sharing this story. That’s exactly the kind of story that will begin to turn the tide for equality for all of us.
I look forward to hearing more from you and your friends as we all stand against the tide of ignorance and bigotry. You might be the only friend who supported Teresa, but you’ve also seen how fickle marriage can be. My hope and prayer is that you’ll continue to support them and all of us in our quest for equal rights.
No, the courts don’t support us… but one by one, we’re turning the tide. Again, thank you.