Congratulations to Eugene Delgaudio, whose Public Advocate of the United States — along with several other groups including You Can Run But You Cannot Hide Ministries (recently made famous again for preaching hate in an Ohio school and led to the principal’s resignation) — was inducted into the great hall of shame that is the Southern Poverty Law Center certified hate group list. Delgaudio is a particularly interesting fellow, in that his hate group is quite fond of fiction.

Rather than sticking to the same old tired accusations of “gays want to destroy marriage” (which he uses frequently), his fundraising letters are the stuff of some of the most hilarious fiction ever to see pixels. His latest appeal reached my inbox the other day, a screed of over 5000 words that used the frase “radical homosexual activists” more times than a Pacino movie drops the F-bomb.

Here’s an excerpt:

It gets even worse my friend.  I discovered the inner sanctum of the Radical Homosexual Conspiracy…

Just outside of Washington, D.C., a fanatical army of sodomites has a secret warehouse where they have been generating hundreds of thousands of petitions.

When I first saw it, I was convinced that we could never stop the Gay Bill of Special Rights from becoming Federal law.

But once again, you came through.  My friends and supporters all across the country signed petitions and helped fight the Homosexual Pornography Lobby…

And I just can’t fight on without your help.  Before I can do anything else, I must pay the bills my office owes.

It’s anyone’s guess as to what the “inner sanctum” of the “Radical Homosexual Conspiracy” looks like, but I have a suspicion that it’s decorated only by the cobwebs of Delgaudio’s very vivid imagination. Now, there’s also a “homosexual pornography lobby,” and all of this has something to do with the fact that he owes more than $130,000 to his creditors.

But hey, what do you expect from the guy who once claimed to have “discovered” an insidious evil “Radial Homosexual Conspiracy” printing operation?

One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself.

As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses.

Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined.

Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling.

My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press.

Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized.

As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time Delgaudio we can’t lose.”

Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

You see, even though homosexuals are just 1% of the population, if every one sent a petition to Congress it would generate a tidal wave of two or three million petitions or more.

Hundreds of thousands of pro-homosexual petitions will soon flood Congress, and my friends in Congress tell me there’s virtually nothing on Capitol Hill from the tens of millions of Americans like you who oppose the radical Homosexual Agenda and the Gay Bill of Special Rights.

I made up my mind that night to write to you and as many other patriotic Americans as possible. To stop the Radical Homosexuals and protect traditional marriage there must be an immediate outpouring from folks like you.

This is the guy who also said a “homosexual activist” thug “beat him in the head with a rock” after “covering him with a blanket.” Or something.

…late one night while sorting through pro-family petitions from supporters like you a thug crept in through a door, threw a blanket over my head and pummeled me with a rock.

I was first tuned into Delgaudio’s batshittery by JoeMyGod, at which time I said to myself that “no one can be that nuts.” Well, I was wrong. Delgaudio regularly sends out appeal after appeal, begging to raise tens of thousands of dollars immediately.

Now that his “group” has been labeled as a hate group (and rightfully s0), it’s only a matter of time before he starts with the “persecution” line.

When the Family Research Council (FRC) and the American Family Association AFA) were added to the list of certified hate groups by the SPLC, the cries of “persecution” were as plentiful as they were ridiculous. They were inducted along with a group called the Americans for Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH), which is run by Peter LaBarbera (we call him Porno Pete), who once claimed he did research about the “homosexual lifestyle” by viewing gay porn.

All of these groups claimed whined that they were singled out because they were “Christians” and simply “disagreed” with “homosexual behavior.” Of course, we know that’s not true. Their tactics were (and still are) to dispense known falsehoods about the LGBT community in order to make us look as bad as possible to their donors so they they can continue to raise money for their anti-gay crusades to eventually put those evil homosexuals back in jail where they think we belong. Just ask Peter Sprigg, president of the FRC.

It’s time for all fair-minded Americans to realize that these people are NOT Christian, and have no business pretending to be such. Their abject lies, constant deception, and their clear goals of returning to the dark ages of gays being jailed just for having consensual sex prove that they have no one’s best interest in mind but their own homo-hatred and bigotry.

Maybe they need to visit an inner sanctum?