The "Ex-Gay" Myth and Why it Failed Me Read More!

Morality. It’s a word that has driven the social justice debate over the last forty years. Early on, it was the “moral majority.” Then people said “you can’t legislate morality.” The word is often times joined with religious views, connected to the point of being one and the same.

There are those, however, that are the immoral. They are the single greatest threat to our society, driving down every bit of moral fiber in our nation — a danger to all that we hold dear. They are the promiscuous, the licentious, and yes, the ultimate depravity – the homosexual.

The basic premise is this: Christians are moral. Homosexuals are not.

It’s a false premise, of course. But that doesn’t stop equality opponents. It doesn’t even slow them down.

Unfortunately, this premise has been the dominant view for decades. The “homosexuals” have been brutally demonized ever since the gay rights movement began to gain serious traction. Sadly, this marginalization has continued even today.

You might recognize some of the “facts” that have circulated over the years:

  • Homosexuals have 1000 partners on average.
  • Homosexuals insert gerbils/hamsters/iphones/whatever into their anuses.
  • Homosexuals live a short lifespan.
  • Homosexuals recruit children, especially boys.
  • Homosexuals are pedophiles.
  • Homosexuals controlled the Nazi party.
  • Homosexual-inclusive hate crime laws will result in pastors being jailed for preaching against homosexuality.
  • Homosexuals are more prone to alcohol and drug use.
  • Homosexuals are more likely to be mentally ill.
  • Homosexuals can stop being homosexual by no longer having homosexual sex.

Thus, Homosexuals are immoral.

Naturally, every single one of these bullet points is completely false. Even those that have some tiny shred of half-truths have been disproven time and again. The pedophilia and lifespan claims widely rejected by every major medical and psychiatric group in the country.

Even still, the premise remains: Christians are moral. Homosexuals are not.

There’s good reason for this. The bulk of today’s anti-gay push remains centered around a concept of “morality” that is rooted in lies, deception, distortion, and false stereotypes. The myths listed above are still a vital part of many of today’s anti-gay activists and hate groups.

The push to keep gays under the bus in the political sphere has long revolved around many of these myths, always focusing on the base “immorality” in the LGBT community. Because several “moral” “Christian” groups have been persistent in promulgating many of these lies, they were added to the list of hate groups by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Some examples include Scott Lively, Peter Labarbera, Tony Perkins, Bryan Fischer, and Linda Harvey. For details, check out the SPLC’s website. Just don’t do it on an full stomach.

Nearly everyone mentioned here has insisted that they were labeled as a hate group because of their “Christian values,” when even a casual study on the things they’ve said reveal their much darker, vicious side. Their “Christian values” revolve around horrific lies that have been rejected and debunked over and over again.

But none of that matters. Christians are moral. Homosexuals are not.

Let’s put that idea to the test.

Consider a 16-year-old gay boy who’s never had sex in his life — but knows that he’s just not interested in girls. He goes to church regularly, is honest to a fault, and would never, ever consider acting out in violence against those who bully him regularly.

In the culture war, he is the immoral one. Just because he’s gay. The bullies — all of whom are Christian (and go the same church as the gay boy) — are all moral.

Or the same-sex couple who’s been together — faithfully — for more than 20 years. They met as young men, and settled down with each other. They built a life together that’s built on love, respect, and adoration. Their state refuses to let them marry, so they must go through every legal loophole available to them to protect their assets. They volunteer at the local humane society and attend church regularly as a couple.

But they’re a gay couple. Therefore, they are immoral.

What about a lesbian who happens to be single mother. Immoral. Or the elderly gay man who just buried his partner of 50 years. Immoral. The bisexual mother of three who juggles home life, a business, and driving Mom’s Taxi. Immoral.

My partner, Curtis, is one of the most moral people I’ve ever met. He’s honest, trustworthy, kind, gentle, has a heart of gold, wouldn’t hurt a fly, and he’s well-liked by nearly everyone he meets. He treats people well, and feels horrible if he thinks he might have done something that could offend someone. He is, in every way, a true, gentle spirit. But because he’s gay, there are those who genuinely believe he’s immoral.

Immoral, immoral, immoral. All of them.

I defy anyone who would suggest that the gay kids that have committed suicide over the last few years — bullied into suicide because they’re gay — were in any way, shape, or form… immoral.

The tragedy isn’t that the conversation has been skewed for so long regarding sexual orientation and morality — it’s that we allow this skewed view to color our politics. I’m not suggesting that Christians are not moral — far from it. However, I do question the integrity of anyone who insists that gays are immoral because they identify as gay.

Until we come to a point where we understand that sexual orientation is neutral in its morality, this skewed view will remain. The fact is that sexual orientation is not a choice, and it’s not something that is taught. It has absolutely no impact on the person’s morality. It just… is.

The assumption of “immorality” is what drives the shame, fuels the failed ex-gay ministries, and fill voting booths around the country. Millions are donated because of this assumption, that the “immoral” gays want to destroy the institution of marriage.

Or is it that moral gays — know the value of marriage, and want to take part in the permanence that a state-sanctioned marriage encourages? Yet despite this reality, anti-gay groups and individuals fight tooth and nail against LGBT equality, lying about us, our children, and our relationships.

So let’s assume that Christians are, as a rule, moral. If we have so many people who lie, deceive, and distort for political purposes — does that mean they’re Christian? I would submit that for those that insist that they have the moral high ground while lying about the LGBT community, they might call themselves moral — they certainly do not have any ethics.

Our responsibility is simple: Stop letting them control the conversation. Because you, dear gay person, damn well better realize that your morality is not defined by your sexual orientation. It’s defined by your integrity and the content of your character.

The rules are simple. Don’t live by fear or by hate. Be honest. Be true. Be out. And for God’s sake, be yourself.

Nothing could be more moral than that.


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7 Responses to Christians, Gays, and the Culture War: The Question of Morality

  1. If Christian are moral, why are 99% of the incarcerated in the US Christians? Logic doesn't prove out. It's all bullshit.

    • The main reason the religious bigots have been successful in panting LGBT people as immoral is that we haven't come out and educated society about who we are. That is now changing and it's looking more and more like the bigoted and immoral ones are the christians.

    • At this point in my life, I really couldn't care less what anyone thinks of me. I only care about my rights under the US Constitution. The generally stupid, ignorant, religious American can go fuck himself with his buybull.

    • Reed Boyer says:

      At this point in MY life (50+), living in California, where my rights were stripped away by popular vote, I deeply care what people think of me. And I've had a crapload more support from the Christians at my Methodist church than the stereotyped "Christians" presented here. I have, however, had my fill of anti-theists who gloss over their hostility with protestations of apathy.

  2. Brian Edwards says:

    That line in Leviticus they keep (mis) quoting at us is just one of a long list of "housekeeping" rules. It is about saturnalian rites not comitted relationships. The one Christians should remember though in this situation is one of the 10 commandments "thou shalt not bear false witness (lie) about thy neighbour (defined by Jesus as everyone, even your enemies)".
    If it's in the big 10 along with murder and theft then it has to outrank stuff like what to do if you have mildew in your house (it's in Leviticus, if prayer won't make mildew go away you have to demolish and rebuild which makes domestos "immoral" ne?).

  3. Very interesting and informative!

  4. regarding "religious" people who say that homosexuality is wrong:

    as the webmaster of the cynical and satirical e-zine known as, I have little tolerance for anyone who says that homosexuality is wrong and then brings up the bible and leviticus. we've heard it all before, god says that homosexuality is wrong – but people who hate homosexuality because of the bible must be such a bunch of joiners who rely on the outside world for opinions. they probably think that muslims weren't responsible for 9/11 and that it was george bush who planned it. I can't imagine the lives that these people lead if they are apt to hate homosexuality because of something the bible says! to quote a limp-wristed maitre'd in ferris bueller's day off: "i weep for the future". I weep for the future when people can't make up their own minds about homosexuality. I weep because they don't even take into consideration what it takes to find security, fulfillment and something excitably taboo in a member of one's own gender. talking about a sense of completion, it should be the biggest insult for anyone not to feel complete without the presence of a member of their own gender acting as a psychological crutch for their sexually-dysfunctional existences. any man who utters the words "i need a man" is a masculivoid whose sense of masculine self-esteem is as "little bitty pissant" as the country place featured in "the best little whorehouse in texas".

    sure, gays are heard preaching self-love 24/7. I'm sure that the people who get their disrespect of homosexuality from outside sources (such as the bible) are apt to buy into gays' self-esteem and pride when the little queer exhibitionists are out trying to justify their self-love in "gay pride parades" from coast to coast, but it's only a front. a show. gay people are trying to sell their pride to the outside because they have no pride inside themselves, which is evidenced by their "little bitty pissant" states of minds and/or gender-identities which are half-baked enough to get a sense of completion from someone acting as "the real thing" in their lives. what makes a man date another man, surely not a strong sense of masculine sufficience.

    i have no respect AT ALL for people who hate homosexuality because of what the bible says. what a bunch of mind-numb robots, "god commanded me to hate homosexuality, I must obey" – people who say this are like people who think that god is responsible for the gender they're sexually attracted to. I think there was a song called "going through the motions," I bring this up because that's exactly what people are doing – they're living life "going through the motions" and they're not thinking about the reasons why they are. what kind of robotic life is lived by bible-thumping and anti-gay people who think they were born straight? don't they have any justification or reasons for being anti-gay or for being psyched by a specific gender? I do, I've always known the reasons for my actions.

    i grew up a skinny little wimp who did not excel at or play sports. I was picked last for teams in gym class, my sense of masculine esteem was damaged to see most boys being picked first and most girls being picked after them. I was always picked last because I was not as good as the boys. I wanted to be a real boy, kind of like peter pan, but situations like gym class told me that I was not. the real boys were picked before the girls, but I was picked last. like a remnant.

    i had absolutely no armpit-hair until I was 16 or 17, even then it came in slowly. as early as 4th or 5th grade, I saw how I was lesser than the other shirtless boys in the locker-room who had a good bit of armpit-hair. every day in the locker-room would damage my masculine esteem, every day for 7 or 8 years. I don't have time (or respect) for anyone who tells me that I am attracted to men because of a fabled "gay gene," just like I no respect for anyone who tells me that I should not respect homosexuality out of respect for the bible. I don't need a bible to give me permission to spit on homosexuality, I have my own experiences and most of all I have common sense.

    "if you're not all the man you need, good luck filling anyone else's void".

    mr. dylan terreri, i.
    dr. sheldon cooper, ii.
    "When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." – Madonna.

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