As usual, the most ardent and outspoken opponents to these basic rights are Christian leaders, ministers, and pastors. The rank and file within the Churches also tend to lean toward opposition as well. I know full well that I can’t judge the hearts of people who oppose LGBT equality, but it’s very easy to go with the flow when you know the numbers are on your side.

I should make myself clear. I do not believe that everyone who opposes LGBT equality is a bigot. That honor goes for the ones who drive the “debate” with lies, fear, manipulation, and a general bias against the people they’re trying to keep under their feet.

In contrast, a very large group of Christians are not bigots — but they are anti-gay. Yes, I know how silly that sounds. The question for them is, “why?” Why are they opposed to LGBT equality or even basic rights for LGBT people? While it’s quite easy to say “they just don’t like gay people” as I’ve suggested in the past, the truth might be a little more complex.

Yes, there’s a natural revulsion that straight people have to the concept of gay sex. “That’s disgusting,” they might say. “That’s gross,” their kids might say. Of course its’ gross. They’re straight. Straight people just aren’t into that. That doesn’t mean they’re anti-gay. It just means they’re straight.

For us ‘mo’s, it’s kind of the same thing. I genuinely have difficulty in saying the word “vagina” in conversation, a quirk my sister pointed out to me the other day. “I was wondering if you’d just spit it out and say it,” she said as we were discussing va-jay-jays for some reason. Not exactly my favorite subject matter. So no, sex with women just doesn’t flip my lid.

Straight people just aren’t into the gay thing. They’re not interested. I would even suggest that they just don’t even comprehend how we silly gay people would be attracted to people of the same sex. I had a roommate who would say, “I just don’t see how one man can look at another’s hairy ass and say, ‘I want that.’”

I really don’t think everyone who doesn’t support marriage equality is a bigot. Misinformed, yes. Unfortunate, yes. But not a bigot.

The problem is that the real bigots have done their jobs all too well. In their never-ending quest to paint gay people as nothing more than sex pigs who wear assless chaps or dress in camp drag, they have succeeded. Turn on any religious TV show about the gays, and it’s a cornucopia of all of the most revulsive stereotypes of the gay community. And these are the pictures that pop back into the minds of the typical person, which in turn feeds into their voting practices.

To those who are anti-gay, we are not gay people. We are people who have gay sex. Specifically, people who have anal sex. It’s not the mannerisms that bother them, it’s the kind of sexual images those mannerisms success. After all, men are supposed to be the penetrators. The idea that men would allow themselves to be penetrated flies into the face of everything that “masculinity” stands for.

As such, any time the average person sees a gay person and either knows they’re gay or just thinks they’re gay, the image of anal sex pops into their mind. Or they’ll remember the horrific rumors they heard about Grindr, vibrating cell phones, mice, bars of soap, or whatever else the bigots have fed into their spirits.

All of this is what leads to the apparent need to oppose LGBT rights. It’s all about the sex. Since gay people are merely “people who have gay sex,” then they should just stop having gay sex and be normal like the rest of us. Once “people who have gay sex” stop having gay sex, then they have nothing else to bitch about and we can all go about our heterosexual business.

So then, our struggle for basic rights for LGBT people needs to start with the very basic educational route — to help the rest of society understand that “gay people” aren’t “people who have gay sex.” Quite simply, “gay” isn’t what we do, it’s part of who we are. The American Psychological Association explains it quite capably:

Sexual orientation is commonly discussed as if it were solely a characteristic of an individual, like biological sex, gender identity, or age. This perspective is incomplete because sexual orientation is defined in terms of relationships with others. People express their sexual orientation through behaviors with others, including such simple actions as holding hands or kissing. Thus, sexual orientation is closely tied to the intimate personal relationships that meet deeply felt needs for love, attachment, and intimacy. In addition to sexual behaviors, these bonds include nonsexual physical affection between partners, shared goals and values, mutual support, and ongoing commitment. Therefore, sexual orientation is not merely a personal characteristic within an individual. Rather, one’s sexual orientation defines the group of people in which one is likely to find the satisfying and fulfilling romantic relationships that are an essential component of personal identity for many people.

This is the single most critical goal we should have in our quest for equality. Because sexual orientation is an intrinsic part of who we are, we must educate and inform those around us that orientation and sexual behavior are two completely different things. Once we get the public to realize that “gay people” are not “people who have gay sex,” then we’ve made a critical step into the right direction.

If indeed that sexual orientation is intrinsic, and person’s religion and creed are not, the question of basic rights becomes a little more interesting. Our constitution already guarantees “equal protection under the law” for all Americans, and the 1964 Civil Rights Act includes specific protections for people in various classes. Specifically listed are race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.

Unfortunately, those who fight against LGBT rights argue that because “sexual orientation” isn’t listed, then it shouldn’t be a protected class. What continues to baffle me even today is the reality that so many groups oppose such inclusion outright. And the largest voice of opposition is Christian leadership.

Read this next sentence out loud: Christian leaders want to keep it legal to discriminate against gays. 

What, too much hyperbole? Consider the facts. In Lincoln, Nebraska, churches are leading the push to get the required 2500 signatures to put a repeal to that city’s new nondiscrimination ordinance on the ballot. Pastors are the most vocal whenever a nondiscrimination policy comes up in any local, state, or federal government.

Consider these questions as to whether or not you would support basic rights for LGBT people:

• Should it be legal for a homeowner or landlord to deny renting housing to two men for a one-bedroom apartment because he or she thinks it’s a sin?
• Should it be legal for a bed and breakfast owner to deny renting a room to two women for a night? Two men?
• Should it be legal for a business owner to fire someone because he saw them kissing a same-sex partner while at a restaurant, on their own time?
• Should it be legal for a landlord to deny renting a house to a lesbian couple with three children?

If your answer to any of these questions is “yes,” then why? Why is it okay to discriminate? Why should it continue to be legal to deny housing or employment to people just because they’re gay? The fact is that anyone who is gay or even perceived to be gay is at risk for discrimination. I don’t think I have to tell you that this isn’t okay.

Discrimination is not okay. Ever.

For the record, the Supreme Court has repeatedly rejected attempts to force churches to adhere to nondiscrimination clauses. For example, Baptists are not forced to hire women pastors. There’s no indication that this would be any different for LGBT people. A church would not be forced to hire a gay choir director, for example.

These are basic rights, rights that are NOT protected in two-thirds of our 50 states. It’s time for us to stop using religion as an excuse to deny these protections.

If we are Christian, then we should consider what Jesus said — and no, this isn’t the first time I’ve quoted this passage. It won’t be the last, either.

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life. ” (Matthew 25:41-46, NIV)

Sheep look a lot like goats. Goats look a lot like sheep. It’s all in how we treat people. Do we discriminate? Or not?

Discuss.

Zach’s story is one that spoke to me years ago when I first heard about it in the summer of 2005. At the time, we were in the process of forming a new PFLAG (Parents, Friends & Families of Lesbians and Gays) chapter, and it was a poignant reminder of just how much we need to support each other:

Young Zach thought he was just writing in his ‘blog’ as any teenager would. He vented. He cried out. Like most gay kids, he struggled with whether or not to come out to his parents. Once he finally got the nerve to tell his parents that he’s gay, he said things got even worse. They shipped him (at their church’s recommendation) to a division of Love in Action, called Refuge. It is a ‘ministry’ that has one sole purpose, to ‘fix’ gay kids and ‘help them to live a more normal lifestyle.’

It is, in short, the psychologically brutal and damaging practice known as ‘reparative therapy.’

Over the years, we began to hear a few little blips from Zach — namely that his parents had “supervised” deletion of his blog posts. Later, Refuge would be shut down. From here in middle Tennessee, I was still very much shielded to what was really going down at Love in Action.

While Zach was in the program, his friends and supporters rallied to his cause. They protested around the center for weeks on end, shouting their message: “It’s okay to be gay,” and the ultimate in subversiveness: “God loves you!” During these protests, Morgan Jon Fox began filming. It’s with him that the story took a dramatic turn.

John Smid, who was director of the Love in Action center from 1990 until he resigned in 2008, was at the center of the storm. He and his staff held press releases in an attempt to help people understand the live-in program. One day, he met with Fox. It was a meeting that would begin a long journey that would forever change Smid’s life. Memphis Flyer’s Bianca Phillips writes:

“My relationship with Morgan was very instrumental in where I am today because he was the first openly gay person who would meet and talk with me as a person,” Smid said. “Morgan is such a humble person and an honest person that it helped to break down my walls as we related.”

But their unlikely friendship didn’t start off so smoothly. Smid first encountered Fox during a two-week protest outside Love in Action’s Raleigh facility in 2005. Fox and a group of local gay rights advocates gathered outside the church at 4780 Yale Road where Love in Action ran “Refuge,” its now-defunct teen ex-gay ministry, to rally for their friend Zach Stark, a 16-year-old gay kid whose parents forced him into “straight camp,” as protesters often dubbed the two-week program

The film features interviews not only with Smid, but Stark as well. Other men who went through the program tell their stories, including Peterson Toscano, who is an outspoken advocate against ex-gay ministries. Heck, there’s even a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it screen shot of my own blog post about Refuge’s ultimate shutdown. It was a pleasant surprise.

But that’s not why I’m giving the film a high rating. Honest.

Fox’s documentary style might be a little rough around the edges, but the story he tells is as clear as it is tumultuous. He handles the subject matter with compassion and conviction, revealing part of the genuine harm that “ex-gay” ministries do to people all across the country.

My feeling of coming full circle in this story not only centers around learning that Zach is doing just fine as a young adult, but that John Smid himself has gone through some dramatic changes in his life — including coming out as gay. It’s easy to point fingers at someone who comes to terms after years of being on the wrong side of life.

Smid is a compassionate, honest, and deeply spiritual man who loves God and is genuinely working through one of the most difficult chapters of his life. If the film has any flaws, they do not show enough of the struggle of what it’s like for someone who has built their entire life around living a lie — to finally come face to face with that lie. And person lying to him most was the man in the mirror.

I was honored for him to submit his own coming-to-terms story for this blog a few weeks back, and I’ve since talked with him a few times. This is a man who is going through quite a lot. I’m quite taken with his commitment to Christ and to people.

I can only imagine how difficult it was for him, and I know that God is giving him an extraordinary amount of grace to not only publicly apologize to the men who went through his program, but to meet with them one on one.

Love in Action, like most ministries in the ex-gay network, was little more than a well-decorated carpet under which the Church to swept its gay dirt. Then, once the people are “cured,” they get tossed into a dustpan of marriage so that they can show just how “cured” they are. Then life sets in, and people realize they’re just as gay as they started. And the mess really begins.

This is What Love in Action Looks Like is a story of frustration, tragedy, hope, and ultimately, redemption. There are no easy answers when it comes to dealing with gay teens and religious beliefs, but the film does a capable job of presenting the questions — and some of the consequences.

If anything, this is a story that needs to be told, and it needs to be seen. This isn’t about the “ex-gay” network as much as it is about people. It’s about a man and a boy, both of whom had to come to terms with religious expectation and their own sexuality.

The moral of this film is simple: It’s time to stop shouting at each other and start talking. More importantly, it’s time to start listening. That’s what grace is all about.

This is What Love in Action Looks Like is available from TLA Releasing on Amazon.com.

Coming soon to a bigot near you!

When President Barack Obama made international news by announcing his support for marriage equality (what the other side calls “gay marriage”), reaction from the “religious right” was as swift as it was explosive. Fox Nation immediately (and famously) posted a headline “OBAMA FLIP FLOPS, DECLARES WAR ON MARRIAGE.” Minutes later, the headline was changed to the only slightly less asinine “OBAMA FLIP FLOPS ON MARRIAGE.”

But, the damage was done. War has been declared. It is a declaration of war against an institution that has been consistently and radically changed from its God-intended format: old men paying other old men for wives for their sons.

Yes, it’s a war on marriage. Declared by the President of the United States himself. Every single married couple in America has only a matter of mere months before the Obama administration personally knocks down their doors to destroy their marriage. They’ll rip husbands from their wives, and replace their men with lesbians. Women will have their entire wardrobes replaced with flannel. Their wardrobes will then be given to their former husbands who must now dress in drag.

Men will be forced to endure total home redecorations while they’re coerced to listen to endless marathons of Cher, Madonna, and Dolly Parton albums. With a little Lady Gaga thrown in the mix. They will endure day-long seminars on swagger, snapping, and dialogue coaching. To graduate, they must learn the three-snap-round-the-world-flap move, and execute it flawlessly while dissing each other as “gir-fwien!” Their wives, of course, will be replaced with very large men with handlebar mustaches and a pirate ring in their ears.

Children will be given endless lessons on how to properly address their new same-sex couple parents. Each new parent will be given the opportunity to decide their name. Men will be given the option of “Pap-pap” or “Poppy” or “Butch.” Women will have the option of “Mammy,” or their first name.

If for a moment, you think the preceding satire was at all out of the ordinary, consider this: it’s not far from what some people think will happen. Just for fun, I clicked up “war on marriage,” and the results were… well… entertaining. First up was a whole mess of silliness from the Christian Post:

On May 9th, 2012, the Declaration of War against godly, traditional marriage has been made public by President Barack Obama. [snip]

The war against what God stands for has always played a role in history – good vs. evil – but now it has taken center stage with scores of followers being added daily as such should be deceived.

Make no mistake, this is truly the last day and our last chance to rise up and speak out against the tyranny of the war against God, His people and true Christian morals and values.

Of course. Now it makes sense. Obama ended the war in Iraq and wants to end the war in Afghanistan so that can wage war against God, His people, and true Christian morals and values. That’ll take all of our soldiers. or something.

I really think it’s interesting how so many of our religious media folks have such difficulty in separating the law of the land from Sunday School. To James Dobson, allowing same-sex marriage would throw the the institution of marriage “on the ash heap.”

I can just tell you from my point of view I will be praying even harder about this upcoming election because there is so much at stake. Marriage must be maintained, it’s been in existence on every continent on earth since the Garden of Eden, not just in Christian countries but wherever mankind has taken root, marriage as a relationship between one man and one woman has been honored in law and in practice. Obviously homosexuality has flourished in many places, in Rome, in Greece, in Sodom and Gomorrah, but it has been relationships between one man and one woman because we’re made that way, we’re designed that way. To throw it on the ash heap of history at this stage of our existence and defy the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, which I believe this does, has got to be considered by all of us.

Right Wing Watch also posted some of Tony Perkins’ latest comments. Apparently, he thinks that gay and transgender people “feel like” a particular gender from one day to the next:

This is not about rights. Nobody lost any rights when North Carolina amended their constitution on Tuesday. What was preserved was the ability of parents the way they want to, the ability of religious organizations to associate based upon their shared faith and not be forced to change that because of someone’s sexual orientation, public accommodations are not wide open to whoever wants them based upon what gender they feel like for the day. This issue as it’s beginning to unfold now not theoretically but in very practical ways as people are losing jobs, churches are being forced into certain things, people realize this is not about two people living together and loving each other, it’s about fundamentally changing America.

Of course it’s not about rights. Of course nobody lost any rights. That’s because his organization hasn’t gotten to take them from us and throw us into jail yet. Perkins, the ever-so-casual hate group leader, even says that our whole society will suffer because a few gays might actually get full equality one day:

For nearly a generation we’ve neglected marriage, leaving it nearly defenseless to homosexual activists who are now trying to redefine marriage out of existence. Same-sex marriage, it contradicts God’s will as revealed in the created order, violating God’s law only brings pain and heartache. Right is called wrong; evil is called good, it is because we have wielded moral authority to the demands of special interests or the ruling of some aberrant judge. As a result, all of society suffers.

One of Perkins’ predecessors, fellow mouthy bigot Gary Bauer, has some equally unkind things to say about Obama’s support for equality. To Bauer, it might not be a full-on war, but his version of the president is one that is “out to undermine marriage:”

The charade is finally up. We’ve always known that Barack Obama supports same-sex marriage. With every action he’s taken, from court appointments to his rhetoric, he’s been preparing the way to undermine traditional marriage. Obama’s finally made that support explicit.

While Perkins and Bauer are comfortable with their own rhetoric, leave it to Rush Limbaugh to really cut to the quick of the matter — making the whole mess into a “war on traditional America.”

He then wondered if Obama’s “war on traditional marriage” was similar to the “war on stay at home working mothers” and the “war on the Catholic Church.” Limbaugh accused Obama and liberals for trying to “turn traditional institutions on their head,” which forces him to get involved.

“People like me, who are minding their own business, all of a sudden have to stand up and defend these traditions and institutions from people like…the president, who’s waging a war on traditional America.” Speaking directly to the caller, Limbaugh said that gay marriage will “never” win at the ballot box. “You’re always going to need a corrupt judge to overturn the vote of the people,” he said.

I’m quite certain that I don’t want to read what Limbaugh’s idea of “traditional America” is. Especially since his version of “tradition” and “marriage” includes having had at least five “traditional marriages.”

To hear these people talk, whenever Obama has a hamburger, he’s declaring war on fish. Or he’s declaring war on Coke every time he has a Pepsi. It’s war on Budweiser if he sips a Guinness. It’s a war on college sports if he goes to visit his daughter’s softball game.

Or if he were to light a candle for a romantic dinner with Mrs. Obama, it’s a war on light bulbs.

The fact is that for there to be a war, there must be two opposing sides. This isn’t a war on marriage. This is a blitzkrieg — a massive lightning invasion by the far right as they work to overrun decency, basic human rights, fairness, and any hope of equality for LGBT Americans.

Gays are not locked in combat. We are the ones being denied basic rights. We are the ones told by voters that we cannot have marriage equality.

Let’s face it. The right wing doesn’t want a war. They want an extermination of equality. When the right wing sees any LGBT rights, they turn into the specter or Darth Sideous:

Wipe them out. All of them.

May the Force be with us.

“I have to tell you that over the course of several years as I have talked to friends and family and neighbors, when I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together; when I think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married,” Obama told Roberts in an interview to appear on ABC’s “Good Morning America” Thursday.

Interestingly, right-wing Republicans who said they would never vote for him have declared… that they would never, ever, ever vote for him. Of course, the religious right and hate groups are all declaring their utter outrage.

Thank you, Mr. President. This is going to be an interesting election year.

In every article, commentary, TV appearance, and other media blowhard bit, the hate groups and “family” defenders generally have a few major catchphrases that are designed — not to share the truth of the situation — but to frighten people into a) giving them power and b) giving them money. The tragedy of it is, it works all too well. Let’s start with the obvious. Of all the anti-gay groups and hate groups (there is a difference between the two, but their lines are getting more and more blurred these days), the most prominent ones have the word “family” in them:

First, the anti-gay:

• Focus on the Family
• Family Action Council of Tennessee
• Florida Family Association

Now the SPLC-certified hate groups:

• Family Research Council
• Family Research Institute
• American Family Association
• Illinois Family Institute
• United Families International

Family. Family. Family. Their tactics are simple: Frighten supporters into thinking that these “radical homosexual activists” are out to stach away their little boys and destroy their families with their evil, interior decorator ways. No matter their stated goals, these organizations have specific goals that are quite clear:

• Prevent or eliminate LGBT civil equality.
• Obliterate marriage equality
• Eliminate LGBT exposure in media
• Eliminate profanity from mass media

While this list is enough to keep any reich wing group busy, it’s certainly not exhaustive. For the purpose of this article, I’ll leave their anti abortion, anti-women, anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant agendas for another time.

One Million Moms, an offshoot of the American Family Association, has been one of the more vocal groups over the years in their effort to sterilize society from any unsavory elements. Recently, they returned to the spotlight with their demand that JC Penney fire Ellen Degeneres as a spokesperson because she’s a lesbian.

Now that new catalogs and web campaigns have reached the marketplace, they’re back with their demands — all while complaining that JC Penney isn’t “neutral in the culture war.” It’s a “war” that OMM and their “family” allies are intent on waging — all in the name of “defending the family.” It’s as if they insist that corporations stay on the sidelines while these “pro-family” allies do all they can to wipe out their enemies: gays, feminists, liberals, Muslims, and people who cuss.

For a little comparison, imagine a group of bullies that demand that other school kids remain neutral while they beat that poor little queer to a pulp.

Let’s be clear. I’m not talking about battles that these groups might wage one day. These are battles they’re engaged in right now. Their number one effort right now is to strip or prevent any form of equality for LGBT Americans. This is pure, undeniable fact. It’s also undeniable that they wage this battle “to defend the family.”

When they send out their fundraising letters, their language hits right to the core of right-wing fears. For example, here’s a tidbit from one of Eugene Delgaudio’s latest appeals:

The Family desperately needs help in Washington State.

You see, the Washington State legislature has forced homosexual “marriage” upon its citizens, despite overwhelming opposition.

The only way to prevent the law from going into effect is if enough Washington voters sign Initiative I-1192 — also known as Marriage = One Man + One Woman.

The problem is the sheer number of signatures that must be collected before the deadline… nearly 300,000 by July 6th.

The people of Washington know that real marriage is between one man and one woman — but unless they get enough signatures to place this decision on the November ballot their voices will never be heard by the politicians.

My friend, this is a fight the Family cannot afford to lose.

Delgaudio’s own hate group, Public Advocate of the United States, regularly sends out fundraising appeals that are little more than fictitious, manipulative screeds designed to scare blue-haired old ladies out of their money.

To Delgaudio, “The Family” will apparently be destroyed if same-sex couples are able to benefit from marriage equality. Never mind the fact that there’s not a shred of truth in this concept, it works for fundraising. These evil, twisted organizations actively engage in convincing their supporters that their nuclear family will be utterly destroyed if the gay couple down the street gets hitched.

Then there’s Scott Lively. I’ve resisted writing about him, but he — like most hate group leaders — are engaged in a contest of who can hate the homos the most. Lively is best known for his bile-filled book of well-documented lies, The Pink Swastika. In the book, he claims that it was “homosexuals” who led the push toward the brutality that the Nazis became known for and heavily downplays the fact that thousands of “homosexuals” were killed in extermination camps.

Lively’s damning, lie-filled testimony about gays in Uganda led to the creation of that country’s infamous “Kill the Gays Bill,” which calls for capital punishment for certain types of gay sexual relationships. As of right now, the bill has not yet been passed, but the push continues.

Lively’s hate group, Abiding Truth Ministries, has been listed as a hate group by the SPLC for a few years. As a reminder, these groups are listed as hate groups because they regularly dispense known falsehoods about LGBT people in order to demonize or marginalize them. It has nothing to do with their “Christian beliefs.” After all, lying is not a “Christian belief.”

So why do I mention his group? Simple. Since another church has the domain “AbidingTruthMinistries.org,” Lively had to think of something else: DefendtheFamily.com. Browse the site for just a few moments (which is all most rational people can stomach), and it’s quite obvious what keeps him up at night: the gays. 

Lively’s three books include a screed to somehow prevent “recruitment” of children, and another “comprehensive textbook” that’s intended to be a “Christian” response to the “Gay” (note the scare quotes around Gay) agenda. It’s in the introduction of this book that Lively spews his vitriolic message:

The “gay” goal for society is to replace Judeo-Christian sexual morality (monogamous heterosexual marriage and the natural family) with an alternative moral system that embraces “sexual freedom.”  They know they can have no real acceptance in a society which restricts sex to authentic marriage, so “gay” activists have worked, literally for generations, to destroy marriage-based culture — by aggressively promoting heterosexual promiscuity and fostering hostility against the chief opponent of promiscuity, the Christian church.  As respect for family values and Christianity has declined, their own political power, as champions of “sexual freedom,” has increased proportionally.

Of course, there’s absolutely no truth to any of this. The true goal for LGBT people is simply to have equal rights under the law. We’re not interested in other people’s families, just our own. And seriously, we don’t need to attack “marriage-based culture.” Brittany Spears, Larry King, Newt Gingrich, Elizabeth Taylor, and Kim Kardashian have all done that far more than we ever could.

If that last paragraph was bad enough, consider the following, closing paragraph of the introduction:

We have watched the destructive consequences of “sexual freedom” unfold in Western Civilization for many years now without recognizing the “gay” movement as its driving force.  Now the church must wake up to the reality that the so-called “culture war” is, more than anything else, a contest between the opposing and contradictory philosophies of activist homosexuals and Christians. And we must act accordingly, despite the fact that they, and those they have duped, will call us “haters.”

No, Scott. The “culture war” is a bunch of blowhard bigots like you who are fighting with every fiber of your being to oppress, suppress, and criminalize people just because they’re gay. You insist that your “rights are being infringed” when you’re told that you can’t throw the fags in jail like you clearly want to.

Finally, Scott, we call you a “hater” because you are a hater. Your entire “ministry” is all about how much you hate gay people, and you are too blinded by your own bigotry to see this simple reality.

To be “pro-family,” one must be “anti-gay.” It’s a completely false dichotomy that has defined the debate in all the wrong terms. The fact is that America is changing. We are becoming more informed about issues that impact our friends and families.

As I write this, news of the results from today’s election in North Carolina are rolling in. CNN declared that the new marriage amendment passed with 61% of the vote. Considering that just a few years ago, Tennessee passes a similar measure with 81% of the vote, it’s clear that minds are indeed changing. Not enough, alas.

Thankfully, though, because America is shifting toward equality, the voices of opposition are becoming fewer and far between. As a result, the only voices left are the extremists and hate groups. What makes this trend more disturbing is the fact that the hate groups are getting more vile and more venomous in their attacks. As I wrote earlier this week, it’s a sign of desperation.

These groups are clearly not interested in “defending the family.” Their agenda is right there in black and white. These hate groups are doing all they can to manipulate their easily-scared donors into writing big checks to prevent the “radical homosexual agenda,” while suppressing the truth about their own hateful agenda.

They’re not defending the family, they’re destroying families. They’re destroying families that are comprised of single moms and dads, two moms, two dads, or families of just a couple who can’t legally marry because of the work of people like Lively, Delgaudio, Tony Perkins, Tim Wildmon, and other anti-gay leaders.

And they lie about it. A lot.

“8” is an unprecedented account of the Federal District Court trial in Perry v. Schwarzenegger (now Perry v. Brown), the case filed by AFER to overturn Proposition 8, which stripped gay and lesbian Californians of the fundamental freedom to marry.

Black, who penned the Academy Award-winning feature film Milk and the film J. Edgar, based “8” on the actual words of the trial transcripts, first-hand observations of the courtroom drama and interviews with the plaintiffs and their families.

The Austin Peay reading will take place in the Trahern Theatre on Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 7:30pm.  Admission is free, though tickets must be reserved through the Theatre & Dance Box Office at 931-221-7379 or boxoffice@apsu.edu.

The performance, which features students, alumni, faculty, and staff of APSU, will benefit the American Foundation for Equal Rights.  Donations will be accepted in the lobby before and after the performance.  Following the reading, there will be an audience talk-back with the cast and representatives from the Tennessee Equality Project.

“8” had its much-heralded Broadway world premiere on September 19, 2011, at the sold-out Eugene O’Neill Theatre in New York City.  The production brought in over $1 million to support AFER’s efforts to achieve full federal marriage equality.

For more information on this event, please visit BusinessClarksville.com.

Preachers and pastors (and yes, there’s a difference) all across the country will sometimes have whole sermons dedicated to the topic of damning the “homuh-SEX-shual” as being the end-all and be-all of the worst kind of sinner in America today. Thankfully, people are beginning to educate themselves a little more on the topic, but that doesn’t mean that people use the word “homosexuality” to paint a broad stroke of something that should be very, very specific.

You see, words matter. Words can hurt. They can even kill. Scripture says it all too well:

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21, NIV)

Imagine if you’re a gay-struggling teen who is beginning the raging, internal war of dealing with his or her sexual orientation and their faith. While sitting in your pew, you hear your pastor railing against “homosexuality” and how it will result in complete, eternal damnation. You hear them blast “homosexuals” as being “turned over to a depraved mind” or something. Instantly, you associate your sexual orientation to that horrible thing the preacher is damning — and you associate yourself with the damned.

Is there any wonder why our teens feel left out of the conversation?

Is there any wonder why one of the first thing many LGBT people do during their coming out process is to shuck their religion?

The far right hate groups are just as bad in their terminology. They attempt to be a little more “specific” in their wording by railing against what they call “homosexual behavior.” Even still, the conversation is lacking in specifics — and the obscurity is poisonous. Well, let’s face it. Anything the hate groups say is venomous, but hey — that’s why they’re hate groups.

So when you say, “homosexuality,” what do you mean? Even when you say, “homosexual behavior,” what does that include? As GayChristian.net president Justin Lee points out, it generally includes four different possibilities:

1. Orientation. A person’s orientation tells you only who they are emotionally and physically attracted to. I call myself gay because that is my orientation: I’m attracted to guys, not girls. People don’t choose their orientation. Some people use the word temptations to describe their orientation.

2. Lust. A lot of people confuse orientation with lust, but they’re not the same thing at all. Lust is more than just being attracted to someone; it has to do with how you respond to those attractions in your mind. Lust is a sin regardless of whether you’re lusting for women, men, or even your neighbor’s snazzy new car. The same Greek word translated lust in the Bible also means covet. (More on this in another post.)

3. Sex. This is really what most people are talking about when they say that “homosexuality is a sin.” They mean that they disapprove of gay sex, but to someone like me, it sounds like you just disapprove of my unchosen orientation.

4. Relationship. When gay people talk about wanting to get married, it’s not sex they’re after, but rather, a relationship. Just as straight people (hopefully) don’t get married for the sex, gay people don’t either; we want love, commitment, understanding, and someone to come home to at night and talk about our day. For Christians who disapprove of gay sex, a challenging question can be how to respond to gay relationships. If there’s no sex in the relationship but there is romance, is it still acceptable? And would you assume two gay people are having sex if you see them holding hands? (Would you assume a straight couple is having sex if you see them holding hands?)

Be sure to check out Justin’s full post for his point of view. It’s quite good.

These four possible definitions of “homosexuality” typically define what should aways be discussed as specifics. I recently talked with a friend of mine on this issue, and stressed the importance of being as precise as possible. For him, “homosexuality” was the orientation. I pointed out that for most in his church (and as Justin pointed out, most people in general) define as “homosexuality” is the sex. It’s all about the sex. What someone does with their genitals.

Is sex outside of marriage sin? Or sex outside of any committed relationship? Well, that’s not something I’m going to cover in detail. But for the moment, let’s assume that it is. In fact, when you read the title of this post, you probably shouted out in your mind (or out loud), oh YES IT IS!

Let’s be honest. It really is all about the sex. When I say “homosexuality is not a sin,” you read, “homosexual sex is not a sin.” Didn’t you?

After all, when you read the word “homosexual” all you see is the “homo sex” part, right? Unfortunately, though, it’s not that simple. Nor is “homosexuality” a word that really fits in most situations.

But what is homosexuality? How should we use it in conversation? Or in sermons?

Because this word is so generic, it’s absolutely essential that we know the ground rules in any discussion or in any sermon. Pastors, use your words wisely. If you want to rail against gay sex, then talk about sex between men. I might disagree with you on the specifics, but please don’t use the word “homosexuality” as an all inclusive, damning word that may harm people in your congregation.

There’s a huge difference between condemnation and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. If you’ve got kids in your church swapping blowjobs (and don’t assume that you don’t), well, that’s obviously something to speak out against. It’s unsafe, risky, stupid, and is unquestionably sin.

But imagine if you have a gay-struggling teen who’s completely chaste — a virgin, even — but deciding whether or not to commit suicide because of his same-sex attractions. When you preach your damning words about “homosexuality,” it can easily be the tipping point for a funeral in the near future. Words have power. Use them wisely.

But there’s one more possible definition of “homosexuality” that has to be addressed. Again, Justin Lee said it very eloquently (don’t you just hate it when someone says it better than you do?):

I said that there are four main things someone might mean when they talk about homosexuality, but there’s actually a fifth one. For many folks (and I confess this was true of me as well for years), the word homosexuality conjures up images of debauchery, promiscuity, and the worst stereotypes of the gay community. But of course, that’s not what it is to be gay at all, just as images of Mardi Gras don’t convey what it is to be straight.

So when you hear the word “homosexuality,” and you think about men wearing assless chaps, then let me be clear: that ain’t it. It’s not the twink clubs or the drag shows or even the bear bars. In fact, “homosexuality” (as well as “homosexual”) is a word that has so many definitions — and so many insinuations, that it’s probably a good idea to drop it from our vocabulary until we can agree — as a society — just what the hell it means.

In the meantime, let’s just go back to talking about gay people — as people.

There’s a thought.

I’ve written hundreds of articles that are posted here on Skipping to the Piccolo, many of them with a push for LGBT equality and gay rights in general. I’ve posted about how my faith has impacted my life, and a few memoirs that I felt worth sharing. Yet through it all — every post — it’s all me. There’s no conversation. Oh, sure there are a few comments posted here and there, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

We’ll never have true equality for LGBT people without mutual understanding — the kind of understanding that can’t ever come from debates or fighting. Only genuine, mutual respect for each other. So… let’s talk. REALLY talk.

Conversation — real conversation — isn’t a debate. It’s not trying to prove someone else wrong about an issue (certainly not about so complex an issue as a person’s sexual orientation). It’s not about trying to force a point, or shame someone. It’s about listening. Understanding. Comprehending. And then offering your point of view.

Sometimes we treat a conversation as if it’s multi-player ping pong game… where everyone tries to get a point in as quickly and as forcefully as possible. Or a volleyball game where the ultimate move is to spike the ball with no hope of retaliation. Of course, this is natural. We’re competitive by nature. We have to be right. We have to win. We have to know that we’re the best.

It’s time for us to learn — as a society — that we must learn to have a greater value for respect than in being right.

In the end, that’s what drives a good conversation. Respect. What we must understand — as activists and passive observants alike — is that our push for equality must be built on respect, or it will never be built at all. It requires a respect for the law, for our fellow man, and for the fact that no one can be argued into a position that they can’t be argued out of.

Oh, I’m well aware that there are plenty of people who are more interested in seeing gays shipped off to some desert island or thrown into prison — or worse. I have no interest in attempting a conversation with anyone who clearly doesn’t have even a basic respect for me as a person. Nor should I. After all, they’re not the ones I’m attempting to sway. They are the hate groups, the fringe, and the blind.

Lies are their weapons and distortion is their whore. They have prostituted themselves with bitterness and have become nothing more than vapid, hollow shells of humanity. Not sure who I’m talking about? Check out the hate groups category of this blog to find out.

Let’s be clear: they’re NOT invited.

It’s the rest of us that need to do the talking. We must leave the shrills and screeds of those who sow hate and bitterness behind — and find those who are truly interested in conversation. There are those who just don’t get it — but want to. There are plenty of people who don’t understand why it’s important to be out, but are willing to listen.

These are conversations that should be held outside of churches, and outside of political gatherings. Questions should be asked. They should be answered. We should have panels that provide these conversations and guide them toward that mutual, honoring respect.

And we need to talk. We need to talk to our friends. Our families. Our co-workers. Talk about our lives. The wonderful experience you might have had at the zoo together. That dinner you had the night before. About life. About reality. About what makes you… you.

I challenge all of my readers to find a way to engage in these conversations. For the sake of marketing and unity, call it a “Talk over Coffee.” Nothing pretentious. Just a gathering for mutual and conversation.

If you’re in the Clarksville, TN area (or even within a few hours of here), I ask you to help me put together such an event — or series of events that are designed to promote these conversations in a group setting. No debates, no fights, and no grandstanding. It’s about learning from each other, and ultimately, about finding that common ground that helps to build a foundation for greater respect, greater equality, and yes, better lives.

It’s a simple concept: Have a group of people sit down over coffee, a meal, or other neutral location. Invite fair-minded pastors, community leaders, LGBT people and anyone willing to listen and converse. Ask a couple of people to share their story of how they came to terms with their sexual orientation — or how they came to embrace their loved ones. Talk about barriers. Talk about what unites us all.

But most importantly — to listen. To each other. To learn. And respect. Either way, let’s make it happen.

So which is more important to you? Being right? Or being real?

However difficult or even impossible the task might be, I’m reminded of several things. First, I am a man of faith. My faith isn’t in myself, or even my abilities. It certainly isn’t in my fellow man or in the Church. The object and focus of my faith is in Jesus Christ Himself — who was very clear about what we considered to be impossible. After all, He said all things are possible.

All things.

All.

Who then can be saved? Anyone. Who then can be healed? Anyone. Who then can be restored? Anyone. Who then can be brought together? Any one.

No exceptions. No disclaimers. No asterisks.

Paul, despite his quirks and inconsistencies, wrote with great passion and wisdom when he admonished the Roman church to treat each other well.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:9-21)

These days, it’s quite obvious that there are a great many kinds of evil that are present within the Church. Yes, I use the word “evil.” The kinds of horrors that are preached and acted out in the name of Christianity can be nothing but evil. Sadly, it’s at its most wretched when twisted by politics.

North Carolina is in the final days of a campaign of whether or not to add discrimination into its state constitution by “defining” marriage as only between a man and a woman. The amendment would also prevent civil unions or heterosexual domestic partnerships. But that’s not the problem (well, it’s one of the problems).

What’s truly horrific is the way the Church has responded to this campaign. The bile, the lies, and the outright bitterness that has been poured out in the name of “protecting marriage” has been some of the worst we’ve ever heard since the concept of marriage equality was first introduced decades ago.

It’s not even all that rare. There’s Patrick “Gay Men Have to Wear a Diaper” Wooden. Then there’s this kid who thinks it’s all shits and giggles when he shoots a pro-marriage equality sign with his rifle and posts on YouTube. Well, it was funny until “dozens of deputies” showed up.

Pastor Sean Harris’ little sermon rant has been making the rounds lately, where he encourages dads to “punch” their boys if they “drop their wrist.”

So your little son starts to act a little girlish when he is four years old and instead of squashing that like a cockroach and saying, “Man up, son, get that dress off you and get outside and dig a ditch, because that is what boys do,” you get out the camera and you start taking pictures of Johnny acting like a female and then you upload it to YouTube and everybody laughs about it and the next thing you know, this dude, this kid is acting out childhood fantasies that should have been squashed.

Can I make it any clearer? Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch. Ok? You are not going to act like that. You were made by God to be a male and you are going to be a male.

And when your daughter starts acting to Butch you reign her in. And you say, “Oh, no, sweetheart. You can play sports. Play them to the glory of God. But sometimes you are going to act like a girl and walk like a girl and talk like a girl and smell like a girl and that means you are going to be beautiful. You are going to be attractive. You are going to dress yourself up.”

Go ahead. Tell me this isn’t evil. Oh Wait. It was a joke. Or something. We’ll see if the kids who get “punched” think it’s a joke.

Tell me it’s not pure evil when you have Bryan Fischer, a “Christian” radio show host and spokesman (spokesbigot?) for the American Family Association declare that it’s “perfectly appropriate” to discriminate against LGBT people.

Citing King’s line that he dreamed that one day his children would “live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character,” Fischer argued that discrimination based on behavior is justified and absolutely appropriate … and, as such, “you begin to see the implications when it comes to homosexuality because you’re dealing there with issues of content of character and you are dealing with issues of behavior and conduct and it’s perfectly appropriate to discriminate against immoral conduct.

And since when is it evil to point out that the Bible has some serious, glaring problems? When Dan Savage did exactly that, calling the Biblical defense of slavery “bullshit” (which it is), the “Christian” right got up in arms. He made the very sensible argument that if the Bible got something wrong about slavery, which is so morally clear — human beings do not own other human beings — then it’s a fair chance that the Bible is 100% wrong about something as complex as human sexuality. Savage later wrote an apology for calling those who walked out “pansy assed,” but not for the “bullshit” remarks. After all, he said, he wasn’t attacking Christianity or the Bible. He was attacking hypocrisy.

Oh, wait. He said “bullshit.” I see. Maybe if he said “bullpoopie” it would have been okay?

How is it anything but evil to complain that our government is calling on other countries to stop imprisoning, torturing, or executing people for being gay? Oh. Wait. That’s “pushing” other countries to “promote homosexuality,” as hate group leader Peter Labarbera says.

Nowadays, I think the big threat we see now – it’s just incredible, Mike – the Obama administration has turned the United States into a huge gay-rights government. We are using our resources to force every government across the world, pushing them to promote homosexuality. And there’s lots of government and states, whether they’re Muslim or like ardently Christian nations like Uganda that don’t want, they don’t share the caviler attitude of the West toward homosexuality, they certainly don’t want to promote it. And all of a sudden Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have turned the United States into a pro-homosexual regime and it’s just despicable.

A pro-homosexual regime. Yeah. And Uganda, a country that wants to pass a law to criminalize and execute people for “homosexuality” is “Christian.”

These are people who want to put LGBT people in “exported” or thrown in prison. They’re not even hiding it.

And for some reason, these people think that their “religious rights” are infringed when they get called out on their vile wickedness. I’m not even going to call these people “Religious Right” or the “Christian Right.” From now on, you’re going to be called what you are: The Bigoted WRONG.

No, dear Bigoted Wrong, your religious rights are not “infringed” when you are told you can’t discriminate against people. Your religious rights aren’t “infringed” when the law says you must sell a wedding cake to a same-sex couple. Just like your religious rights aren’t infringed when the law says you must sell a wedding cake to an interracial couple. It really isn’t rocket science. Finally, the religious rights of other countries aren’t “infringed” when we tell them we’ll withhold aid if they don’t stop killing their gay citizens.

For the rest of us, I should point out a few observations. Since support for marriage equality is at an all-time high, reaching a clear majority for the first time ever last year, the voices of the opposition are dwindling. This is true even amongst conservatives, long considered the most vocal in their opposition against LGBT rights. The law is on the side of equality as well, because it’s getting more and more difficult to prove that LGBT people don’t deserve basic human rights.

• An overwhelming majority of people believe that LGBT people should be able to serve in the military. When the repeal act was passed, it enjoyed the support of two-thirds of those polled by Gallup.
• 64% of those polled said that there should be some form of legal recognition for LGBT couples.
• 53% of Americans believe that marriage equality should be the standard in our country.

It’s certainly not a stretch of the imagination to figure out that when the general public no longer opposes a certain thing, the “voices of the masses” begins to dwindle. When that happens, all that’s left is the fringes — the extremes.

This is clearly the case today, with LGBT equality — and even marriage equality — becoming a matter of basic common sense, and of fairness. At a time when pro-gay supporters in Maine placed a marriage law on the ballot because of widespread support for equality in that state, it’s clear that the tide has turned.

The voices of the moderate opposition have silenced because of fairness and the fact that they get it now. As more people educate themselves on the importance of LGBT equality, the only voices that remain — are those of the rabid right. And they are really frothing at the mouth. They know they’re losing, so they have to scream louder. And nastier.

Even as the rhetoric of this rabidly anti-gay reich wing gets more and more volatile and even violent, we can take some comfort in the fact that this is little more than the behavior of a toddler who’s smack-dab in the middle of a tantrum because he’s not getting his way. America, like moms in supermarkets across the country, is realizing that the only way to deal with a tantrum is to let the little brat scream its head off and ignore it.

Our task in the effort to promote reconciliation between LGBT Christians and the Church has never been more clear. The good news is that it’s getting a lot easier to find people who have a common goal — and common ground.

Just ignore the tantrums. They’ll grow up eventually.

After all, didn’t Jesus say that all things are possible with God?